


Some Things Lost, Some Things Gained

by vix_spes



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death (off-screen), Friendship, Getting Together, Kid Fic, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-04 06:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5324015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur ends up with custody of his two year old nephew, he's in completely over his head. Luckily, his PA seems to be the baby whisperer or something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Things Lost, Some Things Gained

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aeris444](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris444/gifts).



> Aeris444, I had such fun writing this - I hope you enjoy it. Massive thanks to isisanubis for beta-ing and also huge thanks to mightypretty for the handholding and the cheering. Couldn't have done it without you guys!

It was a cold, grey January morning when they buried Morgana and Leon. There was still snow on the ground, not to mention traces of the ice that had caused the accident that had killed his sister and brother-in-law. Arthur and Morgana may have fought like cat and dog but he had loved her and Leon dearly and he couldn't imagine life without them. Already, he had lost count of the number of times that he had gone to phone or message either of them only to remember at the last minute or half-way through writing a message that they weren't there anymore.

It all seemed to have happened so quickly. He couldn't believe that only a week ago they had been celebrating Christmas together as a family and now Morgana and Leon were dead and their two year old son was an orphan. It had been a miracle that, even though Geraint had been in the car at the time of the accident, he had managed to escape serious injury. Even so, they had kept him in the hospital just to be on the safe side, which had been of great help to Arthur. He had spent his days running between various offices as he tried to take care of the seemingly endless list of tasks that had sprung up in the wake of Morgana and Leon's deaths, but all hours that he could, had been spent at Geraint's bedside.

“Arthur?”

Arthur turned to see that Merlin, his utterly competent personal assistant, was the sole remaining person in the graveyard. Arthur had completely lost track of time as he stood at the graveside, not realising that the rest of the mourners had melted away.

“I'm sorry Arthur but it's time, we need to get to the hospital to collect Geraint.”

“What about the wake? I should probably make an appearance at least ...”

“I think Geraint needs to be your priority now. He's been in hospital long enough now, he needs to go home. Everyone will understand but, if it makes you feel better, I'll go by myself when I've dropped you and Geraint home and explain everything.”

“Thank you, Merlin.”

Arthur nodded and turned back to say one last farewell before following Merlin to the car. He had no idea what he would have done without the man the past week. Even though Merlin had been supposed to be on holiday, he had given up his time off and taken on as many of Arthur's duties at Albion as possible while helping Arthur with the funeral details. The man might have driven Arthur crazy when he had first taken up the position of personal assistant but he had been Arthur's rock for the last week.

Admittedly, it hadn't always been that way. Far from it in fact. They had come very close to killing each other when Merlin had first taken up the post of Arthur's personal assistant. Arthur didn't know who he'd been expecting to walk through the door. Merlin was the last person he had interviewed for the position and Arthur had been interviewing for eight hours straight. The last thing he'd been expected had been the pang of lust that shot through him at the man who walked through the door. It didn't even make sense; Merlin wasn't exactly Arthur's usual type with his frankly ridiculous ears and lanky form in a suit that didn't quite fit right. Then again, Merlin also had cheekbones to die for, dark hair that looked as though he'd just been fucked six ways to Sunday and pale skin that set off his blue eyes to perfection. The man was like a walking wet dream.

Even so, despite the automatic attraction, Arthur had been hesitant to give Merlin the job.

Arthur's last two appointments to the post of his PA could only be described as disastrous - what with Cedric being downright creepy and Sophia only being interested in dating him - but then, other than Arthur finding him attractive, Merlin's interview could be described the same way. He'd been late, tripped over the coffee table (spilling coffee all over in the process) and then insulted Arthur all in fairly short order. Arthur was completely bewildered how such an idiot could have such utterly brilliant references and was almost tempted to reject him immediately on those grounds alone but then that meant that he had to continue with George as his PA and, quite frankly, Arthur would rather do anything than put up with him any longer. So, in what was clearly a fit of madness and despite the attraction that he felt, he had appointed Merlin.

It had been a success from the word go. Mostly. Nobody could deny Merlin's ability to do the job. Indeed, Arthur's office had never been run so efficiently. His people skills were less exemplary, particularly where Arthur was concerned. The two of them had quickly fallen into a pattern of verbal sparring where they would both routinely insult each other although it stayed good-natured for the most part. It may exasperate Arthur from time to time but he also found that he relished the fact that it was so different from the way that Vivian had fawned all over him or George's obsequious attitude. It was more like a friendship than a true boss/employee relationship. However, despite all of this, the initial attraction that Arthur felt never really went away.

Now, they were just stuck in some weird sort of limbo - not just friends but equally not just boss and assistant either. Something that wasn't at all helped by the fact that Arthur was still often overwhelmed with the desire to kiss Merlin or, you know, bend him over the desk. Not that he would, of course. It was just that the temptation was there which was awkward because not only did all of the staff and clients at Albion adore Merlin, he was the most competent PA that Arthur had had ever. Arthur didn't want to lose Merlin because he couldn't keep his urges under control.

Instead, Arthur pretended that he didn't find Merlin remotely attractive, insulted him regularly and was eternally grateful for the way that Merlin ran his life. Never more so than the last week since he had the phone call telling him about Morgana and Leon.

Once they arrived at the hospital, Arthur signed his name on what seemed like a whole ream of paper before he was told that his nephew was officially discharged and could be taken home. Even so, it didn't really sink in for Arthur that he was the sole guardian of his nephew until Merlin had dropped the two of them at Arthur's flat with the promise that he would swing by the wake before he went home and an awkward clap on the shoulder for Arthur. The second that the door closed behind Merlin, Arthur looked around his pristine flat with the stacked boxes of essentials for Geraint that Merlin had clearly brought over, and couldn't help but panic a little.

He had never really looked after his nephew before, not by himself. Even though he loved Geraint, he had always been the fun uncle that spoiled Geraint with gifts rather than time. However much he might wish that that hadn't been the case, wishes wouldn't change anything now. They couldn't.

“Well, I guess it's just you and me now, Geraint.”

~*~

The first twenty-four hours, amazingly, went with barely a hitch and Arthur was feeling pretty proud of himself. Admittedly, he knew that it had been incident-free mostly because both he and Geraint had slept away not only the evening but most of the day as well. The most that Arthur had had to do was feed Geraint and wrestle him into a clean sleep suit, whilst wondering how his nephew had suddenly started to resemble an octopus with his flailing limbs. Arthur had even managed a couple of hours of work in the afternoon having put How To Train Your Dragon on Netflix. Geraint may be too young to be able to comprehend the story but he loved watching the dragons, especially Toothless.

The real problems began at bedtime.

In contrast to his positively angelic behaviour all day, Geraint suddenly did an about-turn and became the spawn of Satan, something that Arthur wasn't entirely surprised by given that he was Morgana's child. Nothing that Arthur did seemed to work. Geraint was fed, he had a clean nappy, he had his beloved stuffed dragon toy but that didn't mean that he was ready to settle down and go to sleep.

Not for the first time since he had been given custody of his nephew, Arthur wished that he had paid more attention when Morgana and Leon had talked about their son, that he had actually babysat his nephew. He'd scoured the internet with a red-faced Geraint screaming in his ear (and oh god, netmums was a scary place) but none of their suggestions seemed to work.

Clutching at straws, he strapped Geraint into his car seat, hoping that Geraint's screaming had prevented him from hearing the litany of curse words that fell from Arthur's lips as he tried to fit the contraption into his car. It seemed as though it was working for a while. Geraint's screaming had calmed down into the odd hiccuping sob but then, the instant that Arthur pulled the car to a halt in the car park under his building, the screaming started again.

In desperation, Arthur did the only thing that he could think of. Pulling out his phone and finding an address that he'd never had cause to visit in the past, he raced across town to find himself banging on an unfamiliar door at three in the morning with a wailing two year old on his hip. Arthur barely paid any attention to the man who opened the door, other than noting that he was stupidly tall and well-built, before the words were spilling out of him.

“Merlin lives here right? Please tell me that I have the right address? If he's moved and not updated his contact details I'll kill the idiot myself. Is he here? I need to see Merlin!”

Before the man-mountain could say anything, Arthur heard movements behind him and almost crumpled in relief at seeing his PA's familiar form slip around the giant man, patting him on the shoulder.

“It's alright Perce, he's my boss. Arthur, what on earth are you doing here? What's the matter with Geraint?”

“I don't know! He's been screaming for hours and I can't get him to stop. I don't know what to do; I need you to do something!” Arthur held his breath as he finished speaking, waiting for Merlin's response. He almost felt like crying with relief as Merlin looked him over before nodding and reaching his arms out for Geraint.

“You'd better come in then.”

Less than ten minutes later, Arthur found himself sitting on the sofa as Merlin paced up and down with Geraint. A mug of tea suddenly appeared in his line of sight and he looked up to see the man-mountain had found a shirt although, curiously, it was completely without sleeves.

“So you're Merlin's boss, the infamous Arthur are you? We've heard all about you.”

Arthur couldn't help but blink at that; it definitely wasn't what he had been expecting. “I'm Arthur Pendragon, yes. And you are Merlin's..”

“I'm Percy, Merlin's house mate.” Percy took a gulp of his tea before nodding in Merlin's direction. “So that's your nephew then? Poor sod. Merlin told us what happened to his parents. Gwaine was on shift that night but he didn't treat them.”

Arthur's brain was spinning. “I'm sorry, what?”

“Gwaine – our other house mate and my boyfriend. He's a nurse in A&E. He was working when your sister and brother-in-law were brought in but he didn't work on their cases.”

Arthur took a huge swallow of his tea so that he didn't have to say anything. What could he say to that? He knew that the hospital staff had all done their utmost to save his sister, unable as they were to do anything for Leon who had been dead on arrival, but in all honesty knowing that didn't help much. Luckily, Percy seemed to sense that and didn't say anything more.

“Mama.”

Arthur's eyes shot to Merlin and his nephew at the word, the first real thing that Geraint had said since Arthur had brought him home. Arthur barely registered Percy removing the still half-full mug of tea from his hand as Merlin moved closer, holding Geraint out to him.

“Take your nephew Arthur. It's you that he needs right now.”

Even though Arthur knew the truth in Merlin's words, he couldn't help but be overwhelmed. It was too much to deal with. He fought the urge to scream that he couldn't be what Geraint needed because he didn't know what he was doing but before he could say any of that, he found his arms full of Geraint. Breathing in the scent that was purely Geraint as well as being able to clearly see bits of both Morgana and Leon in his features had Arthur swallowing heavily around the sudden lump in his throat, trying to suppress the sobs that so desperately wanted to escape from him.

He could feel wetness spreading across his chest where Geraint's head rested as well as a tiny hand clenching in the collar of his shirt. Arthur clutched Geraint a little bit closer, pressing a kiss to Geraint's temple as tears streamed down his cheeks. He hadn't really cried since everything had happened and it seemed as though the time had come for the dam to break. He didn't care that he was losing it in front of not only his PA but someone that he had never met until now, he couldn't hold it back anymore.

“I'm sorry Geraint, mama and daddy aren't coming back. You're stuck with me.”

~*~

With both Arthur and Geraint crying themselves to sleep – well, more to exhaustion on Arthur's part -, Arthur had opted to spend the night at Merlin's rather than risk waking Geraint now that he was finally back to sleep. However, as soon as Geraint had woken in the morning and Arthur was fortified with several mugs of coffee so strong you could stand a spoon up in them, Arthur had insisted upon returning home. Now that the moment had passed, mortification was starting to set in over his breakdown in front of Merlin and Percy and besides, he wanted to try and establish a routine with Geraint as soon as possible.

Not that establishing a routine seemed at all possible over the next few days. It was almost as though Geraint had understood Arthur's words that his parents weren't coming back, as though he understood that Arthur was now his only living relative. He was clinging to Arthur like a limpet and the instant that Arthur disappeared out of sight, even if it was only for a moment, the tears started. Not having a clue how to deal with this – or with looking after a two year old generally – bought what seemed like every available parenting book off Amazon, paying a truly eye-watering sum to ensure that he had them the next day.

Despite the extortionate amount of money that the books had cost him, they weren't actually that useful. They were great for telling him if Geraint should still be having a nap in the afternoons and what he should be feeding Geraint. Arthur may be CEO of a successful business but he was still a bachelor with a bit of an aversion to cooking so, if he could get away with it and if he didn't know that Morgana would probably come back and haunt him from beyond the grave, yes he probably would feed Geraint all the wrong things. What the books weren't great at helping with was providing suggestions for how Arthur couldn't deal with Geraint's clinginess.

It was all very well for a few days but Arthur couldn't work from home indefinitely; running a business like Albion meant that he very much needed to be present. As the company belonged to Arthur, he knew that technically he could take off as much time as he wanted and nobody would bat an eyelash but what was the point of that? Sitting at home feeling maudlin wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't going to bring Morgana and Leon back. No, the best thing for him and Geraint was to establish a routine as quickly as possible.

It sounded far easier in theory than it was in practice. Morgana and Leon had searched high and low for what they felt was the best nursery for Geraint and Arthur intended for him to carry on attending in an attempt to maintain some normalcy in Geraint's life. Having Geraint back at nursery also meant that Arthur could return to work but, in order for that to happen, he actually needed to get Geraint out of the house and into the car.

It was almost as though he could remember the accident although the professionals at the hospital had assured Arthur that he would suffer no long-term effects from the trauma. Based on Geraint's reactions, Arthur wasn't convinced by their words. Any time that he got Geraint even close to the car, Geraint would start screaming. The first few times, Arthur had simply ignored it and driven Geraint to the nursery regardless of the screaming. He had managed to reach the office each time but had never made it further than either the car park or the reception before he received a phone call from the nursery asking him to return and collect Geraint. Coming to the conclusion that he had to be sneaky about this, Arthur decided to take advantage of the fact that Geraint took after his father and, once he was asleep, could sleep like the dead. Choosing simple clothes, Arthur started dressing Geraint and putting him in the car while he was still asleep. The nursery staff had a good laugh about his actions but to Arthur it was the only option open to him.

A week later, Arthur was very close to pulling his hair out. Geraint had become wise to Arthur's tricks and had not only started waking up when Arthur tried to dress him, he had started screaming blue murder the instant that Arthur picked up the car keys and he simply didn't stop. While Arthur couldn't help but be impressed by his nephews lung capacity, he was a little concerned that Geraint was going to make himself ill if he didn't stop screaming soon. He attempts to drop Geraint at nursery were an unmitigated disaster so, with no other option, Arthur was forced to take a still sobbing Geraint into work with him. To say that Merlin was surprised to see Arthur struggling through the doors, his bag in one hand, Geraint's bulging bag slung over the same shoulder and a screaming Geraint on his hip.

“What? Arthur, why are you here? Why is Geraint here? Is that Weetabix on your tie?”

“Oh shit. Geraint was throwing his breakfast around this morning. I thought I'd escaped unscathed. As for why I'm here, why do you think I'm here Merlin? I have that meeting with Sidhe Industries and I can't rearrange it again. As for Geraint, well, he won't stop crying; he wouldn't let go of me at the nursery. I'll just have to hope that he's stopped by the time they turn up; I don't think old Aulfric will take too kindly to the racket.”

“I don't think so. Aulfric will pitch a fit if Geraint is in with you. Tell you what, you leave Geraint with me and go change into the spare suit I've left hanging in your office because it looks like Geraint's taken offence to your tailor. I can look after him for as long as you need me to and no, it won't affect my ability to do my job.”

Arthur couldn't help the soft chuckle that escaped him at Merlin's comment and eye-roll. “Good. Although I don't see how you could be any worse than you already are.”

“Yeah yeah, go and get changed Arthur.”

Even as he did what Merlin said, Arthur couldn't help but worry that someone was going to report them for child abuse as Geraint's screaming intensified as he was pried off Arthur and given into Merlin's custody. Ten minutes later, after a quick wash and a fresh suit later, Arthur emerged from his office expecting to find absolute carnage only to stop and stare when what he actually found was a happy Geraint laughing as some trick that Merlin was doing. The words were out before Arthur could really think.

“What are you? The baby whisperer or something?”

“Or something.” Merlin gave a mischievous smile that did something to Arthur. “No, not really. Mum was a foster parent; I've had a lot of practice with little brothers and sisters. Go on, the files for the meeting with Sidhe are on your desk. Geraint and I will be fine, won't we?”

(~*~)

Despite the importance of the meeting with Aulfric and several other execs from Sidhe Industries, Arthur struggled to keep his focus entirely on the meeting. Instead, he couldn't stop thinking about how easily Merlin had dealt with Geraint and, perhaps more importantly, how Geraint had taken to Merlin. Arthur wasn't going to lie, it was a bit of a blow after Geraint's clinginess but still, it was a good thing in the end. Slowly, even as he negotiated figures with Aulfric's CFO, a plan started to formulate in Arthur's head. He wasn't ashamed to admit that, much as he loved Geraint, he was floundering. Badly. He had no idea what he was supposed to be doing and he had no-one to ask for help. Until now, apparently.

Arthur walked out of his office, having shaken hands and verbally closed the deal with Sidhe Industries, feeling rather pleased with himself only to stop at the sight waiting directly outside his office at Merlin's desk. Despite the earlier ease with which he had dealt with Geraint, Arthur had been a little nervous that might not still be the case during Arthur's lengthy meeting. Clearly he needn't have worried seeing as Geraint was sat in Merlin's lap babbling about something. Arthur was so overcome with relief that his perfect (if hastily formed) plan went to pot and he just blurted out the words.

“Move in with me.”

Merlin did his very best 'startled deer in headlights' expression for several long minutes before he recovered himself. “I don't know who you've mistaken me for Arthur but I don't usually move in with a guy before we've been on at least a few dates.”

It was Arthur's turn to be blindsided. And pointedly ignore just how much he did want Merlin to move in for totally different reasons. “Merlin. You know I didn't mean it like that. Look, I'm struggling here. I have no idea what I'm doing with children while you clearly do. Please, I need your help.”

“Arthur Pendragon asking for help. Will wonders never cease.” Merlin paused, “Arthur, are you actually serious? You want me to move in with you? How would it even work? What about my house? I can't afford to pay rent and not live there; you don't pay me that much! And how long are you talking about? Surely not permanently?”

“Of course not permanently, just until I get on a more even footing.” Although if Merlin wanted to stay permanently then Arthur certainly had no complaints. “As for your rent, I'll pay it. Seriously Merlin, you won't lose out because of this. I just … I really need the help Merlin. Please?”

“Let me think about it? I can't make a decision like this immediately.”

“Of course, of course. Take all the time you need. Are you okay with Geraint for just a bit longer while I take care of some things I can't do at home? I should be an hour or so.”

“That's fine. Geraint and I are going to read Puff the Magic Dragon so take as long as you need.” Arthur gave Merlin the most grateful look he could muster. “Merlin? Thank you.”

(~*~)

Later that evening, just as Arthur was contemplating which takeaway to order his dinner from, the doorbell rang – something that was very strange as Arthur didn't have friends that just popped round and he hadn't ordered anything. He certainly wasn't expecting to find Merlin stood there with a suit carrier and a huge rucksack slung over his shoulder looking disconcertingly like a student in his hoody and beanie combo.

“So, I can't in all good conscience leave Geraint in the hands of a clueless uncle so I'm taking you up on your offer.”

“Thank you Merlin, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

The grin that split Arthur's face made his cheeks ache but he was so pleased he didn't care as he ushered Merlin inside his flat. And then reality sank in. Merlin had accepted his plea. Merlin was in his flat. Merlin was going to help him look after Geraint. Merlin was going to be living in his flat.

Arthur was in trouble.

~*~

It took no time at all for Arthur to realise that trouble was a complete and utter understatement. Not only was Arthur feeling far more confident about his abilities to look after Geraint, he was quickly acknowledging that while Merlin had soon made Arthur's life at work increasingly more bearable, he was also working his magic over Arthur's home life. Arthur even found himself clocking off at the same time as Merlin, wanting to spend as much time at home as possible. Of course, the realisation that his life worked perfectly with Merlin in it obviously meant that it was time for Arthur to bugger it all up royally.

The problem was, Merlin slotted himself into Arthur's life a little bit too perfectly. It was all scarily easy. The issue was that Arthur wanted this. He wanted Merlin around, not just at work but at home as well. He wanted Merlin to be involved in Geraint's life, in Arthur's life permanently. Having Merlin around twenty-four seven had brought Arthur's feelings back to the surface with a vengeance. It had been easier to deal with to an extent when he only had to see Arthur at work. The environment had served the purpose of reminding Arthur that Merlin was his employee and that if Arthur flirted with him and Merlin didn't take it well, Arthur could be accused of sexual harassment. Not to mention the fact that if Arthur made his feelings known and Merlin didn't reciprocate, he could very well lose the best assistant he had ever had.

Of course, Merlin was still Arthur's employee when they were at Arthur's flat but the lines were distinctly blurry there. It was much harder to think of Merlin as his PA and the only person willing to go toe to toe with their old dragon of a finance director when he was slouched on Arthur's couch in his ratty pyjama pants. Arthur had lost count of the number of times that he'd gone to hug Merlin or kiss him on the cheek although he'd always just managed to stop himself at the last minute.

Then again, it didn't all seem to be one sided on Arthur's part. There had been more than a few occasions where Merlin had flirted back and he had even initiated the flirting a couple of times, surprising Arthur in the process. Arthur had even seen the appreciative glances thrown his way a couple of times when Merlin had caught him in nothing but a towel so he knew that Merlin wasn't totally immune to Arthur's charms. Then there had been the two occasions when they had nearly kissed. They had been so close, both of them leaning in when they had been interrupted by Geraint's cries. Arthur didn't know whether he should be grateful that Geraint had stopped him from doing something stupid or frustrated that his nephew was already cock-blocking him at the tender age of two.

Not that a couple of near-kisses and a lot of mutual flirting had stopped them bickering. But then again, bickering didn't really worry Arthur too much. After all, Morgana and Leon had bickered just as much (and Morgana had been vicious when she wanted to be) and they had loved each other so much and had had one of the strongest relationships Arthur had ever seen. Something that Arthur wanted with Merlin.

The problem was, as soon as he realised this, as soon as Arthur realised how deep he was in, Arthur realised just how much could go wrong if he fucked this up. Of course, instead of acting sensibly he did the precise opposite and started sabotaging the cosy little life that he had established with Merlin. He started reverting to the work schedule that he had kept before Morgana and Leon's deaths, anything to avoid spending so much time at the flat with Merlin, while some of his teasing took on a more barbed edge. It was successful and Merlin became more guarded, the almost moments between them dwindling to nothing but instead of feeling pleasure at this, Arthur just felt a sense of loss.

Only, how could he miss something that hadn't truly ever been real?

In an attempt to combat the sense of loss, Arthur started not only pulling incredibly long hours at the actual office but started bringing work home and working on it at the dining table. It was a stark contrast to the way that he and Merlin had spent the evenings before Arthur decided to pull back. Whereas before they would spend the evening on the sofa marathoning TV series on Netflix or watching comedy re-runs on Dave, Merlin now sat on the sofa by himself while Arthur worked. Well, if anyone asked he was working. In actuality, he was spending far more time stealing glances at Merlin and berating himself for his idiocy.

About a month after Merlin had moved in with him, Arthur lost his self-control spectacularly. It was the weekend and Merlin had gone to spend it with his housemates because it was one of their birthdays. Arthur had assured Merlin that he would be absolutely fine and that he could cope but secretly, he couldn't help but be relieved when Merlin produced a list of printed instructions and tips with a cheeky grin as well as insisting on giving Arthur the number of one of the mothers at nursery – apparently Freya and Geraint were great friends – just in case he couldn't get hold of Merlin.

The Saturday went incredibly well, even if Arthur did say so himself. They spent the morning at home then went to feed the ducks and have a kick-about in the park. Arthur had found that he had genuinely enjoyed himself and so had Geraint, if the squeals of delight were anything to go by. It also had the added advantage of wearing Geraint out. He just about managed to stay awake for his dinner but was fast asleep barely twenty minutes into How To Train Your Dragon for the millionth time leaving Arthur with plenty of time to work on the meeting he had with Alined on Monday morning.

Sunday was the exact opposite of Saturday. Arthur woke to the sound of Geraint grizzling unhappily and it all went downhill from there. After a lot of frantic flipping through the parenting books, scouring the internet and, yes, bravely venturing onto netmums because he was not going to disturb Merlin, Arthur finally determined that Geraint was ill. Much to Arthur's despair, the infant Calpol didn't seem to work and nothing would even vaguely soothe Geraint except for being in Arthur's arms, clinging to Arthur's t-shirt with one hand and the tail of his stuffed toy in the other. What broke Arthur's heart even more than his inability to make Geraint feel better? The fact that Geraint was very softly, crying out for Morgana. Honestly, Arthur could hardly blame him. After all, this was the first time that Geraint had been ill since his parents death; of course he was going to want Morgana and Leon, Arthur was just a poor substitute.

By the time that Merlin arrived home just after midnight, both Arthur and Geraint were exhausted. Merlin took one look at them and immediately scolded Arthur for not phoning him sooner while he mixed together a truly bizarre combination of ingredients. When he saw Arthur's quizzical look, he simply shrugged his shoulders and said that it was an old remedy of his mums that could cure anything. Arthur couldn't help being sceptical but, sure enough, half an later Geraint finally dropped off into a peaceful sleep.

“Merlin, you're a genius. Are you sure you don't have some weird magical skills or something?”

Unable to stop himself, Arthur kissed Merlin exultantly before he realised what he had done.

“Shit! I'm sorry, Merlin. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to. Just … just forget it happened.” Arthur thought he saw something flash across Merlin's face but before he could pinpoint what it was, Merlin was speaking.

“No, of course, it's fine. You go to bed, I can get up with Geraint in the night if he needs anything.”

“But … are you sure?”

“Yes. You have that meeting with Alined in the morning. I'll be fine.”

Merlin's voice was oddly detached but Arthur knew that pushing wasn't going to help and so left the room but, instead of falling into bed and sleeping, he spent several hours tossing and turning, feeling very much as though he had fucked up. Again.

(~*~)

The final straw came almost six weeks to the day that Merlin had moved in. After his previous slip-up, Arthur had stopped bringing work home and was at work more than he was at home. He had been out to a late dinner with some clients and had completely lost track of time meaning that not only was Arthur slightly drunk when he got home ridiculously late, he also arrived home to a screaming baby and a rather stressed out Merlin. He had barely had time to drop his laptop bag and take his suit jacket off before Merlin was thrusting his nephew towards him.

“Here, your nephew wants you.”

“How do you know that? He could be crying for any reason.” Arthur tried to put Merlin off but he was having none of it and Arthur found himself bobbing up and down as he tried to soothe Geraint.

“No. He's been fed, bathed and changed. I've even read him a bedtime story but he wouldn't go to sleep until he'd seen you. It's you that he wants; I'm not his father, Arthur.”

“Neither am I.”

Silence had reigned for several long moments before Merlin had given a small, sad smile. “No, you're not his father but you're the closest thing he's got and you're never here. He's already lost his parents, he needs you. Not me.”

“Will you stop telling me what to do Merlin? You're not my husband, you're not my boyfriend. You're just my PA.”

Arthur regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, seeing Merlin's eyes flash in fury and his jaw tighten.

“Yeah, of course. Just a PA, nothing more. I'm going to bed.”

Arthur could do nothing but stand and stare with a sinking feeling as Merlin turned and left the room, heading for the room that he had been calling his since he had moved in. Moved in to help Arthur. He had completely and utterly fucked up and he had the feeling that it wasn't going to be easy to rectify the situation.

(~*~)

The following evening, Arthur realised just how far he had pushed Merlin.

Arthur had been in a foul mood all day. He had arrived at work to discover that Merlin wasn't in his usual spot at the desk outside Arthur's office. Surprising considering that Merlin hadn't said anything about not coming to work when Arthur had left to take Geraint to nursery. Instead, in his place was another PA by the name of Gwen. Arthur could hardly complain about her – she was perfectly lovely and her work was utterly competent – but the problem was, she just wasn't Merlin. Arthur tried to get on with his day but he was distracted and couldn't focus on anything. He sent numerous messages to Merlin and called him more than a few times but got no response. Finally, mid-afternoon, with virtually nothing to show for his working day, Arthur decided to give up and leave early for probably the first time ever and go to pick Geraint up from nursery.

Geraint, of course, was absolutely delighted to see his uncle and babbled away happily in his car seat as Arthur drove them home. Arthur did his best to respond but was failing pretty badly, his mind focused on what was waiting for him at home. He had a horrible feeling that, after his no-show at work, Merlin wouldn't be waiting back at the flat.

He was right of course.

There was no sign of Merlin in the flat. In fact, there was no sign that Merlin had ever been there at all. Every single trace of him had been removed, every object belonging to him that had made its way to Arthur's flat over the last month and a half had vanished. Trying to keep himself together for Geraint's sake, Arthur went through their usual routine for the rest of the evening, hoping that it was all simply a big misunderstanding and that Merlin would be back at work the next day.

But, there was no sign of Merlin at work the following morning either. Instead, Gwen was back behind the desk outside of Arthur's office and all that she and HR could tell him was that Merlin had taken several days of holiday that were owing to him. He had a lot of time accrued and he had chosen to take all of it – they weren't sure when he would be back. Not that that stopped Arthur from trying to contact Merlin, even if none of his attempts came to fruition.

No matter how many times Arthur messaged, they went unanswered. Endless phone calls were ignored and regardless of how many voicemails he left, Merlin never phoned back. In desperation, he phoned the landline of the house that Merlin shared with Gwaine and Percival incessantly, the lack of response telling him that his calls were being screened until, finally, a call was answered by Gwaine who told Arthur in no uncertain terms that, if Arthur continued phoning, they would be calling the police.

Reluctantly, knowing that Gwaine undoubtedly meant it and that having the police called was the last thing he needed, Arthur stopped the phone calls. But, that didn't mean that he was giving up. It had taken Arthur no time at all to realise that not only did he want Merlin in his life, he desperately needed him there as well and if he wanted Merlin back then he needed some kind of plan.

And nothing but a grand plan was going to work.

~*~

Arthur came up with and discarded numerous plans over the next few days, none of them quite seeming good enough to work. Not for the first time, he couldn't help but miss Morgana desperately. Morgana would have known what to do. She would have laughed herself to death and teased Arthur mercilessly, but she would have helped him come up with something to get Merlin back. Finally though, he felt as though he had something that might work and not a minute too soon.

His life had come crashing down around his ears for a second time in quick succession and his flat felt empty without Merlin in it, taking care of Geraint and Arthur while simultaneously cheerfully insulting Arthur. It didn't help matters that Geraint had noticed Merlin's absence and was constantly asking after him. How did Arthur explain to a two year old that the person he wanted to see most wasn't there because Arthur was a dick? It was perfectly simple. He needed Merlin. Deciding to take the bull by the horns, he called up Gwen, apologising profusely for the late phone call and begged for her assistance babysitting. She had agreed with alacrity, much to his relief, as she was probably the only person other than Merlin that Arthur trusted with Geraint. Even so, despite his eagerness to get to Merlin, Gwen had had to push Arthur out of the door as he reeled off all of the things that she needed to know with regards to looking after Geraint.

In no time at all, Arthur was standing in front of the now familiar front door, hammering on it loudly and not caring about the late hour or the fact that the neighbours curtains were starting to twitch with interest at the drama. Arthur paid them no attention, not caring that he was drawing an audience, and simply continued banging on the door calling Merlin's name as he did so. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the door swung open only to reveal Gwaine rather than the person that he actually wanted to see.

“Princess, this had better be good; you do realise the time don't you? What's the bloody emergency?”

“Please, I need to talk to Merlin … can you get him for me?”

“You couldn't do this over the phone? You do know you're persona non grata around here, don't you?” Gwaine groaned as Arthur simply stared at him. “Fine. I'll get him for you. Wait there.”

The door closed in Arthur's face but he could hear Gwaine's voice calling for Merlin inside the house. Again, the wait seemed almost interminable, but finally the door was opening again and this time, it opened to reveal Merlin. A Merlin that looked not only adorable bundled up in his massive hoody and pyjama pants but more than a little disgruntled at being disturbed.

“What are you doing here Arthur?”

“Why haven't you been at work for the last four days?” Arthur grimaced as he saw the look of annoyance flash across Merlin's face. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Foot in mouth syndrome. That wasn't what I meant to say.”

“You don't say. What did you come here for Arthur?”

“I came to apologise. I'm sorry, I've been a ….”

“Dollop-head? Complete prat? An utter arse? A clotpole? All of the above?”

“Well, I was going to with idiot but yes, all of the above I suppose. Do any of those actually exist in the English language or did you make them up? Anyway, I'm sorry. None of this was my intention when I asked you to move in with us. I just … I don't know how to not be a, well, a prat around you. I have all of these intentions about how to behave, how to act around you and it all just goes to pieces.” Arthur couldn't help the wry grin that curved his lips, “you know, Morgana always claimed that our bickering was unresolved sexual tension and that the two of us getting together was inevitable when we finally gave in to it all.”

“Us getting together? Arthur, are you doing what I think you're doing? Are you seriously going to do a Love Actually style confession on my doorstep?”

“If it works? Yes.” Arthur saw what he thought was a flicker of approval in Merlin's gaze and a small smile played on his lips at Arthur's words and couldn't help the hope that surged through him.

“Then by all means, continue...”

Arthur took a deep breath. No more fuck ups. He had to get this right.

“Did you know that I wanted you the minute that you walked into my office for your interview? You walked in wearing a suit that didn't fit properly and your hair looking like you'd been shagged something rotten and I wanted you so badly. You were a walking wet dream but you were also a complete disaster. You were late, you insulted me and you tripped over the coffee table but you had the most amazing references and I thought that I had to give you a chance. I thought that things would be different when you were working for me but they weren't. It was even harder. You're like no-one I've ever met before.

Still, tempted as I may be, I never wanted to cross any boundaries while you were an employee of mine. I thought that my feelings would disappear as I got to know you but they did exactly the opposite. I lost count of the number of times that Morgana told me off for being stupid.” Arthur paused as Merlin chuckled, “yeah, laugh it up. And then the accident. I wouldn't have got through that without you; you were a rock and I'm so grateful for that.

And then you moved in to help me with Geraint. And I was an arse. All I can do is apologise for the way that I treated you when you moved in to help me with Geraint. I couldn't have done it without you. The problem was, it was too easy. You fit into my life, our life, too perfectly and it scared me. You might have noticed that I'm not that great at dealing with my feelings. I did the exact opposite what I should have done and, instead of telling you how I felt, I tried to push you away and that's exactly what I succeeded in doing.”

Arthur took a deep breath. “Basically, what I'm trying to say in a very convoluted way is that I love you. I know that I fucked up and I was a prat but I'm really sorry for the way that I've treated you and if I could take it back I would. Please, will you give me a chance to do this properly?”

Arthur waited with bated breath for Merlin to answer, wondering if Merlin could actually hear how loud his heart was hammering in his chest.

“Well, how do I say no to that?”

“You're saying yes?” Arthur had to hold onto the doorframe for support as his knees suddenly went weak.

“I'm saying yes.”

Arthur laughed in relief, not quite able to believe that his gamble had paid off. Reaching out to smooth his thumb over Merlin's cheekbone before leaning in, trying to memorise every single thing about this. He had waited far too long for this to rush it. Tipping Merlin's chin up, he leant in to brush his lips over the plush lips that had been teasing him ever since he had met Merlin. Although the kiss was chaste and lasted barely a minute, sensations still threatened to overwhelm Arthur.

Pulling back slightly, Arthur was able to see that Merlin's eyes had closed, long eyelashes brushing against those ridiculous cheekbones, before he leant in for a second kiss. Again, the kiss remained chaste but Arthur allowed the hand that had been on Merlin's chin to slide back into Merlin's mop of hair while his other hand went to Merlin's hip, pulling him flush against Arthur's body.

“Wait, where's Geraint?” Merlin tore his lips from Arthur's just long enough to glance over Arthur's shoulder in the direction of the car.

“Gwen's babysitting. Now, did you have anymore questions or can I continue?” Arthur raised an eyebrow at Merlin, rewarded when Merlin leant into him, arms wrapping around Arthur's neck.

“By all means. Carry on.”

“Why thank you.” Arthur leaned in to kiss Merlin again, this time using his grip on Merlin's hips to walk him backwards into the house, kicking the door closed behind him. Once inside, Arthur turned them around so that he could press Merlin back against the door, turning his attention to pressing kisses to Merlin's jaw and neck. Arthur couldn't help the moan that escaped him as Merlin's hands found their way into his hair, using their grip to tug Arthur's mouth back up to meet his own. Arthur allowed him, only for the moan to turn into a yelp as Merlin's fingers seemed to get stuck, tugging painfully at Arthur's hair and causing them to separate.

“Arthur? Is this playdoh in your hair?”

“Shut up, Merlin.”


End file.
